I'm the mirage i use to fool me.

2005-07-30T09:21:00.000-07:00

when It's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you.

Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.

There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go

"I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt and still you would not understand. So now I leave without a sound, except that of my heart shattering as it hits the ground."

lolx..this chapter of my life ends here. my life ish gone now. most importantly. u are white-washed out of it now. Finally..the shackles of my heart ish gone.

my new chapter begins ((:

where are you...

2005-07-29T09:22:00.000-07:00

it hurts me to see you sad..but it pains me even more knowing that theres can't truly ease your sorrow..

You are my best friend, my confidant and even a sister to me..u are a sibling my mum forgot to give me..i wish i had been there to provide comfort,care and concern for you whenever your heart etchs in sadness or lonliness..esp when u are in school..cos i can truly empathise with what u are feeling now..i truly know your pain..it mirrors mine.

Anyways..why ima so ardent over this its becos..u don't deserve feeling the way u do..whoever makes u feel as though u are not worthwhile DON'T deserve u..Plus, what gave me strength to move on..one of the predominant reason is you.

never ever think u are lonely..cos u know u never will be with me around ((: haha..lolx. Love in friendship never ends my friend. Plus, solitude ish sometimes virtous and u actually may cum to enjoy the serene peace u get when u are alone..Being solitary and lonely are two wholly different matter..

tis really a time to learn and pick yourself up from this k..dun subject yrself to the undeserving and unecessary pain u are feeling..lessons gotta be learn from here and from life..these lessons are meant for u to face it up to them alone..these are the lessons in life..but always remember..

you are never really alone..cos u noe our hearts and thoughts will always be with you..

i love u buddy..and i promise to be your friend through..

tomorrow..ima getting back results..ima scared..i came online to talk to sumone..but..i guess it wasn't meant to be told..was here wasn't here..dont matter. how foolish i am. stop being vulnerable mae..and stop being stupid.

empty space..

2005-07-27T02:25:00.000-07:00

((: haha. i like casse's quote... i can only remeber the latter part of it..haha..

you cease to be..

haha..not that i can only remeber that part..but reading that particular sentence..i empathised with the clause itself..maybe i could relate to it..cos, there so many flaws about me which i would like to cease to be..sumthings epitomizing me..aren't me..i try too hard to be someone i'm not i guess ((:

i dun wanna elaborate..haha..sumtimes u just need to put on a front to protect yrself from the blardie harsh realities of life i guess..its not a choice..but i was too sheltered, so theres alot of crueltyandconfusion in this world that i can't comprehend..worst still, i can't accept..so..a brave front is needed eh..haha..cos i hate this world.i hate arrogance.i hate self centredness. Baasically, that sums it all up. i hate humanity; particularly with how we have turned out to be.. sigh..and i know there no place in this world for a weakling like me.

what would i do w/o u all? ((: u all gave me strength courage and faith to move on in times of arduousness ..haha..no, more than that..u all gave me a reason to lead my life as happily and fulfilling as it is..

so when i say..i love u ; be it pertinent to whichever relationship we share..friendship..sistahood..kinship...

REMEMBER...

what lies beneath those 3 words..from me to u..lies a meaning more divine than anything ((:

haha..you all rawk my world..life ish definitely good! ((:

question

2005-07-20T05:49:00.000-07:00

how do u let go of someone who was never yours?

today..sat in the wind with ima pal and we tok tok tok..i laughed so hard till i thought i was going to get sum packs or sumthing..haha..lolx..i miss my pal :)) ima so happy today^^ haha..one day when i look back in my college days my friend i'll def recall with a smile the time we always tried means and ways to play truant..haha..excluding the countless green forms we took from the schooL! :P haha..so many more 'special' moments worth me treasuring..hahaha =))

lolx..ima glad i found u in that hostile place. blardieMJ.

After econs lecture..ima and meida went hm together..haha..its also kidna cool how we became fast and close friends^^ thats also sumthing about meida^^ haha..she ish the ideal mama ar haha.. :P

anways..at the traffic junction was sumbody who i know..didn't say hi..lolx..we were in the middle of the road for like only a few seconds and it felt especially long. maybe becos i felt very conscious in front of him..and i was very aware of his pressence..what ish it with him haha..since the first day i saw him i just knew there was sumthing exclusive abt him..ima still dunoe la..told chris about him and it seems like..he ish just a mere repersentation of my ideal..ooh well..like Casse i like to think i've rebounded..

But then again..how do u really let go of sumthing that wasn't yours to begin with?

sigh. ima sick and tired of this shit.gotta now immerse myself into the mugging shit..at least. i wouldn't get hurt there.

whyarentuherewithme.iwanankowwhyuwerentmeantformewhenialwayshadthoughtotherwise.

with eyes that know the darkness in my soul..

ciaoz.

its 9.11pm

heh!

2005-07-18T05:34:00.000-07:00

my life ish perfect...i can't ask for more..but sumtimes cant help but feel sumthings missing in my life..haha..what is it? haha. i dunoe.

today..tied tying my hair differently..haha. i think i looked funny. eva said i look weird..i tied it once for dolly and she was like :x >-< hahaa..nvm..so long as hair dun get into my eye..doesn't matter how i look..anyway i dun think anyone cares or notices...so nvm..

haha..hit the gym after shc today..haha..cool huh..haha..its a miracle if i do say so myself..haha..lolx..talked alot in school today with many pple ar^^ haha..yak yak and yakking away..

ooh yar..received the pics i and doll took in Bugis haha..i look terrible..=b doll tell me dun post on firnedster..haha..its THAT bad..hahaha love ya pal! :))

lolx..sumthings up with JY i wonder what..she said will call me cos she have sumthing to tell me..i wonder whats it pertinent to..lolx..ima miss her so much and waffles with ice cream with her..i tried calling her but cant get her..ima getting worried..hope shes okie.. ima here for u pal..dun worry :)) haha..expect a ring in 10mins *grins*

Anthea!!! its okie..doll told me also abt yr job..we understand..most impt is u dun tire yrself k! and must take care of yr health..dun want to see u falling ill again..sorry for not being able to pick up ar sweetie..ima at one pt of time was very depressed and despair..so it may in one of those time where u called ima was still hybernating and healing ar.. dun worry abt me..ima okay..will call u yeah i promise =)) i miss u so much sis..

okie..ima gtg drink soup haha..yum =)) and do sch work liaoz..ciaoz!

my younger brother is a stupid suckling pig..cos he calling me that now..hahahahaha..lolx..he dun allow me to sing in the shower today screaming 'shut up la' when ima bathing..and now he ish poking me.sucks.
haha
pay back time :!!! i am not going to watch incredible tales with him!!!!!!! :P haha..kidding la. u coward. how cani leave u alone. hahahaha

dead

2005-07-17T11:22:00.000-07:00

heh. i talked too much on my tagboard. bu hao yi shi ar^^

haha..all Casse fault.. =b haha..nag and nag me to get a tagboard. hahahaha..no la. she asked for it so i got it lolx. =))

yeah!!!..today was a great day. haha. minus the fact i had to wake up uber early for a darn econs test. went to bed at 3am last night. was talking to Eva online then on the phone..Tying up loose ends pertinent to our friendship..i was sobbing uncontrollably in front of my laptop when she told me that she was sorry for losing me as her best friend and that she couldn't control things now that it has turned out to be like this..

At that moment it then dawned upon me. i was gonna to lose my best friend from school. i dun care where she was from school or wateva place..but she has a special place in my heart and reading her words of apology and regret..i couldn't help but sob. Losing a friend ish nothing to me. Cos friends come and go. However, once i've told u i love u as a friend or anything. i really mean it and it is only when that THAT THINGS MATTER. I believed in fighting for anyone or anything u love and believe in. Thats why it was so painful for me to finally realise yesterday it was time to let go of this beautiful friendship..

maybe i'm overly passionate, emotional and unrationale. haha *laffs* But hey in life if u dun fight for people and things you love. then what are u doing here for? whats the point to everything then? U fight for yr beliefs, yr purposes and most importantly and close to us. our loved ones. Loved one be it family, friends or religion they are the ones that are ever so close to your heart. :)) They add the beautiful factor into everything..

I once read sumwhere that..on yr deathbed when u die u'll not think of your work yr studies nor any of yr achievements..instead u will reminiscie on the joyful time u had spent with yr love ones and be there wishing u will have infinite moments with them..lolx..who will think "how i wish i had sepent more time studying or working" in thier deathbeds? wth. haha =))..so i couldn't agree more ar..=D

Anyway, chang hua shou duan..haha..lolx..friendship--> its not for us to say whether we want it quits or not or that the friendship ish not meant to be..maybe for others. yes. but this is not just nay other friendship right Eva? haha..=)) Somehow, i believe we are seriously meant to be someone important and someone always around in each other's life. in short, we share sumthing special only u and i know =)) yeah!! *hoorays!!* haha like how u always sms me "jumps up and down waving the blues away from everything" =D

U rock babe! haha..and u noe ima always here for u too eh! haha..now i'm telling u blockhead! :)) Must remember that yeah! heh!

Anyways..today was good..had tution b4 going down to Bukit batok! haha..accompnay Casse^^ and had to drag porkball 'ting-teh' everywhere..U noe the reason for that..cos..'tin-teh' is Josey's pressie! haha..=)) Happy birthday sweetie! 21/07.. =)) Had great fun at her place playing Old maid! hahahaha..and dai dee..eh..ima no luck man..lolx..Josey's place ish our lil' chalet man! =D love my pals so much..Btw, thank u pals for listening to my agony.

Tell that lil' girl who was me to go away. please stop tugging my shirt anymore.stop suffocating me with your pain and angst..please. believe what they are doing to you and me ish for our own good.u noe we tried and theres nothing we can do about it so learn to live with it..i feel so sorry for u and me. we had to fight to prove oursleves. since they don't love us for who we are. lets make them love us for what we are and who we are not.

haha..btw, didn't know old maid could be THAT FUN! :D muahahaha *muakz*

its 3.18am

sianimissu

2005-07-14T07:41:00.000-07:00

sigh. haha..listening to a very sad song now.

ima so tired just came home..long long day today..longer day tomorrow.

ima going to put in all i've got i promise..

i miss u so much, wherever u are.
I believe u will be worth the wait..
thats why i'm still willing to wait :))

haha. ciaoz :))
good day today! haha..thanks for yr constant encouragement peeps! Yunjoy, Almeida, Zhi Yun and Jo-lyn RRRRRAAAWWWKKSSS!! *GRINS* :D

woohoo! hahahaha!!

and my wasted heart love you.

tau huay day

2005-07-13T03:22:00.000-07:00

haha..ima protected from everything by Gohonzon..i can't believe how fortunate and lucky i am..can you? haha..ooh well this happiness of mine..can only be understood by that lucky few.. :))

eh..was with yunjoy a.k.a mummy eating 'tau huay with tau huay sui' at some glarmorous place which speaks of elegance..haha..under a void deck la..muahaha..then my beautifullllll mother walked past..haha..woah..i am so proud i have such a gorgeous woman as my mother haha..lolx..pple think i'm my mother's sister!! sigh..haha..that makes her darn happy and me darn exasperated.. :"P

haha..lolx..had a fun tau huay session with yunjoy! :)) we talked about alomost everything! ehz..6 years of friendship liao eh! siao siao ar! haha..lolx..then we touched on the most dreaded stuffs..our results..sigh. sigh sigh..disparity?sorrow?dissapointment?..how do i describe my mixed-mashed-up feelings?

she told me "take one day to grief my dear" haha..i asked her when and we decided okok..I decided it was to be tomorrow... :)) grieving day here i cum! :))

ciaoz..shadows of sorrow linger around darkening my days as i recall my moment of disparity.

chualallaa..ok..did the captain of the titanic cry?

someday we'll know..
Does anybody noe what the wind says when she crys?

'i can't sing love songs the way its supposed to be sang.' - Bon Jovi

whyaren'tuherewithme.

incomplete...

2005-07-11T02:07:00.001-07:00

Here i am. My room, laptop, cold, comfort, study table, water and speakers playing a beautiful song about growing up with your friends around u..it ends off with "nao pi ar ni!" hahaha...

lolx. and i think of u all..my girlfriends, my confidants and my sisters..always showing unconditional care and love for me..always there with just a phone call or sms away..haha..sigh read Doll's testimonial for me and went to check out her photo album wahahahha..liew..looking at the picture of a 15 year old me..i can't help but smile and grimace at my hair and fashion sense! haha.okok..wat fashion sense? :P lolx..i always had this backpack on..and..my hair was 24/7 frizzy, curly and rough ..muahaha..Whereas my sistas..were as beautiful as they are now..:))

Though Dolly and Anthea miss their previous hairstyles..hmm..hey!..u all still look gorgeous and beautiful as ever to me. i love u babes so much..you dun noe how much it means to me to have u all in my life.. :)) *grins* and ima so lucky to have u all feeling the same sentiments as i... this friendship/sistahood ish forever okay... :))

haha..so happy thinking about this beautiful sistahood i have..:)) haha..back to the part of my life thats dampening..*eeks* haha..lolx..ima have MC for today and tomorrow ar..haha..i told sweet Casse abt it and she asked "Fake sick or real sick?" haha..i can't help but smile la..and i replied.."u can't fake a red sore eye now can u?" haha..and i was grinning like a nut in front of laptop..sigh..my eye still stings badly and its still tearing..shucks..can't conserve water here :P buahaha..-lame shyt-

Hopefully i never miss much stuffs in sch today..lolx..Yunjoy a.k.a "mummy" was so sweet to msg me and asked how i was..however she brought along sum deplorable news pertinent to yr Mid year's econs paper..so well..mummy..dun worry yeah we on same boat haha..and i'll not let our boat sink at the end of the day no matter what..:)) we can do it together de..i promise u that k.. dun despair..most impt NEVER give up hope/faith/and the belief that u can do it k..cos u can and u dun deserve the despairity u feel now :))..cheeries k..im on this sampam ride with u..wakaka..=))

okie..i have to rest my eyes now..

-find a way to lie..about the way i feel towards you-
-i'm not that naive...but i still waited-

but to no avail.. )):

I can't sing love songs the way its supposed to be sung -Bon Jovi

its not easy to be me...

its 5.30pm

incomplete...

2005-07-11T02:07:00.000-07:00

Buddhism-The mystic law of Nichiren Diashonin

2005-07-10T19:30:00.000-07:00

nice day today. great food great day :)) chualalala..took a longlonglong nap after learning sum songs..hee! just burned a CD my recent fave CD compliation *grins* i guess i shall replay it till it get bored of it. haha. Till then, ima will be very happy listening & crooning to those lovely tunes haha..crooning? nah..screeching more likely ar wakakaka

Today's lecture was marvellous..Shanshoshima..3 obstacles 4 devils..

When the 3 obstacles and 4 devils appear..

"The wise shall rejoice and the weak shall retreat." -Nichiren Diashonin :))

ima have to adopt the mentality of the wise, learn and practice :))

After lunch, we drove past the eternal home of our Joju-Gohonzon Kofusan Kaimyoji :))
Woah..haha..the immense joy i felt swelling inside of me.. :)) Finally, Joju-Gohonzon need not move around anymore..Hopefully all of us Singapore believers will have the determination and faith to overcome any 3 obstacles and 4 devils that may arise in their faith. Only then, would we be able to prove ourselves worthy of having the new PC or even our long awaited temple :))

Micro-ly, this applies to me too. It just ain't all talk and no action. i wanna do my religion proud and do my part for Singapore's Kosen-Rufu..ima not going to give up till the end..cos as Nichiren Diashonin once said somehting like this.. If obstacles and devils arise when you are practicing and propagating the true law it is only prove that what u are praticing is indeed the true law.

Profound words indeed and many may not see any light to that..i mean in the form of acceptance..but i do indeed accept and try with all my heart to understand. The law will enter the body even if i don't comprehend with my mind.. :)) So, to all Nichiren Shoshu Believers, lets all strive hard for the acievement of our temple and the attainment of Singapore's Kosen Rufu *grins* okie..thats it then..ima have to hit the books..ciaoz!

2005-07-10T03:54:00.000-07:00

horoscope

2005-07-09T23:00:00.000-07:00

Group B2 Your dreams and ambitions are muchimportant for you and you can do everything tofulfill your dreams. Love is much valuable in yourlife but you always search for someone perfect.You hardly trust someone. Your friends are reallyimportant for you but normally you hide a lot fromthem. You are a deep thinker you always studythe negative view as well as positive. You can leada happy life with a person for whom you care a lotthese days.

lets decipher this.

hmm..got this from 'mummy' webby yunjoy.blogspot..haha..patent ar! :P wait she sue me so better state copyright..*grins*

ima birthday falls on the 27th of my month so ima kena categorised into Group 2B..got sum other days too but ima never take note.

first sentence ish true second sentence ish true.everything ish true.but onli close peeps are important others are not. i dun hide alot from pple i love. ima deep thinker?nah, only that i think alot. maybe too much abt redundant stuffs. haha. anyways..the last line ish not true la. i lead a happy life for myself la. not anybody else. Maybe? Maybe not.

lolx. at kinokuniya (wateva) haha i can't spel.

was reading up on horoscope. ima saggi. ima afraid of restrictions/i like to travel cos it brings me freedom/ima believe in my values and religion so much to me its the one and only/ima overoptimistic...ooh well that wat ima supposed to be.

guess that explains alot huh. esp the few former traits of a saggi.

anyway..he ish mysterious and intruiging thats why ima wanna know more abt him..saggi suppose to seek thrill and excitement in a relationship.

maybe thats was why ima wanted to know more abt him. ooh well, guess he does not feel that same way eh. haha. but it says saggi also frickled-minded and non-committed so my frickled-mindedness shall save me once again.

okie. this ish getting incoherent. ciaoz

lalala. saw my dear cousin @ Bugis today! haha. and i spotted her becos of the same bag we bought @ taa-da! BUGIS! =P haha Bright red bag with yellow strip across it! Then i looked up and saw See Yuen! haha. ima was so ecstatic! :)) haha

lolx..had a fun time with my peep shopping walking talking and eating and eating and eating haha =)) lolx she rocks! :))

okie thats it. gotta go hit the sack. adios

pissed.

2005-07-07T09:05:00.000-07:00

haha. instead of lamenting yet and again about how tired i've been, let me now voice m grievances. :P

Bureacractic system: Inpractical/senseless/presposterous?

all of the above. haha. ima have been a victim of its stupidity!! lolx. here goes, ima have sore eyes, stinging sensation in my right eye ar..and its tear-ing very badly. :(( sigh and i could go home becos he office admin wouldn't allow me to get vice=principle signature instead of my CT. My CT was conducting a lectur in front of 400+ pple!!! doesn't that vindicate that? Imagine walking into a lecture theatre with 400+ pairs of eyes transfixed you and wondering in their minds "who ish this joker who has just interupted the lecture and wasted a few mins off 400+ people's time? Can't she get another teacher to sign the blasted form?"

-no she can't. for sum incredulously moronic reason: "its the school's system" so retorted the clerk. i couldn't help but laugh derisively. sigh. sp i went to the canteen and slept there after washing my eye. now it stills hurts and ima in the school library utilising the com. sigh. i decided to get on with this shitty day and just grit my teeth through it.

lolx after school ima going to go hm and get a good rest.. :)) i need it very badly ar...ima too tired and in pain to do anythign else.

-Its 9.05am

ciao.

tired

2005-07-06T23:10:00.000-07:00

sigh. ima have never known fatigue as i am acquinted with it now.

zzz..many thing tomorrow..lil time to sleep..hahaha..LONG day tomorrow..will be out stright until 11pm..shucks..school then tution..sigh..argh..i just had to lament about my sad plight.

bye.

predictable

2005-07-06T19:12:00.000-07:00

ah..so tired until headache today ar..makes no sense..slept at 11pm last night..haha..ima a pig

guess ima body paying back my sleep debt..shucks..not now man..ima got many things to do ar..History work for consultation tomorrow..compilation of names to get cca points for my fellow ELDDS members..lolx...miss my whole jin-gang of ELDDS family,,remmeber the lovely days where we just hang out in LT1/2 and snatch the mike and play sum funky games..haha..talk about our even funky a.k.a sucky life in MJC hahaha...lolx..now, instead of being in my lil heaven in school i have to be in LT4 for double period econs revision lecture..wah!!!!...turtle. =((

sigh..couldn't get a il nap cos got an adrenaline rush when i was playing this yahoo online game with my mum hahaha..and now its dinner time can't sleep anymore. sigh. its gonna be a long night. :((

ima hungry. lolx..dinner time. ciaoz.

hahaha!!!...chee kweh and chendol tomorrow at BEDOK b4 tution!! too bad can't join meida and zhiyun for Initial D b4 makan cos my toopid class ends at 5.00pm!!! Even the time slot in our timetable wasn't long enuff to show 5pm. the last timeslot ends at 4.15pm. shuck. sulks. but its okay..have to study now ar..=)) lolx..and i forgot to mention Meida, Zhi Yunand Jo-lyn's class ends at 2pm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sniff*

zzz.i dieded.

something abt u

2005-07-05T16:00:00.000-07:00

something abt u. :))

heyhey..haha..i just have to blog this incredible discovery i made a few precious mins ago..^^
haha. i was exaggerating but ima a technological challenged kid so, this matters man!

HAHAHA. lolx..ima now in my room using laptop! haha..w/o a modem! woohoo! how cool can that get? hahaha. lolx..my whole place got wireless connection man! haha.ima papa wanna be uptodate and funky so he got wireless connection for us! hahaha. now its so convenient to use the laptop haha. not need to fight and get ourselves all bruised over the desktop now eh brothers? hahaha. :P

lolx. the papragraph above is a confirmation to many that ima ish indeed a technologically challenged kid -grins-

hmm..but ima can't seem to log onto MSN ooh well..haha..minor problem..cos dun thnk anyone will be online at this time. many would be in school ar..

speaking of which, i had a freaking short day today..sch @ 9am and ended at 1.15pm haha. cos lecture was cancelled. our poor lit teachers must be rushing like mad marking our scripts. i bet every teacher's blood pressure will sky rocket ooh well..my sympathies to them. no job ish ever easy.

Ever since the night before, i did wat i had promised myself to :)) and guess what i can see immediate results man..haha..becos i realised i had many more reasons to smile -grins-

lolx..ima now wanna go pack my room so ima mama will like coming to my room haha..Post-exams period and its still kinda messy. i cant stand the sight of it anymore..ooh yar..i signed up for a number of consulations and i wanna make full use of them.. :))

ima realli have to buck up now.. :)) ima superman! heh..just like him i was put here for a reason :)) sorry ima just crapping ard ima so happY! :))

ooh! haha..i treated myself to quasi-jelly ice cream and got myself a pack of ARNOTT's pizza biscuits (these biscuits are extremely addictive i tell ya! -word-of-caution-) hahaha..all set as food to compliment with Entertainment 100% later at 5pm!

heyhey! going out with mama later for sum pampering :D haha.. ima lurve my mama & papa! :))

tired.

2005-07-04T22:15:00.000-07:00

i'm tired.

haha. tats all i can say. haven't been having enough sleep these days.

anyways, i suck. hahaha. lolx. ima a loser spelt with the capitals L-O-S-E-R.

hahaha. haven really been appreciating everything or even everyone around me. i have always been trying to but its clear that i have not tried hard enough. :)) nothing happened ar..just a relisation when ima doing sum reflection.

i shall live my life to the utmost fullest now. i promise myself i will. :))

theres definitely much much more to my life :))

i shall love Gohonzon more.
i shall love my family more.
i shall love my sistas more.
i shall love my best friends more.
i shall love myself more.
i shall love doing the things i love more.
i shall do more of the things i love doing.
i shall be appreciative of everything more.
i shall laugh more.
i shall start organising my time.
i shall eat more ice cream :))
i shall motivate myself everyday.
i shall stop thinking about 'what ifs'
i shall stop taking ridiculous chances.
i shall not rush fate
i shall take good care of the people i love.
i shall take good care of myself.
i shall do what i said i shall.

its all up to me now ain't it. :))

did the captain of the titanic cry? hmm..

someday we'll know.why i wasn't meant for u.
someday i'll noe.the reason being: u weren't meant for me.

i can't sing love songs the way its supposed to be sung. - Bon Jovi

heh

2005-07-02T23:10:00.000-07:00

haha. exams over. in the midst of catching up with my lost-fun life hahaha

ooh well..went crazy @ Orchard yesterday with Casse and Josey..haha..laff laff laff thru the whole stretch of Orchard while walking to-and-fro Cineleisure and Lido..we conquered Cineleisure, Takashimaya and Lido(nothingmuchtoconquerhereanyway) haha..but to sum it up have a ridiculously fun time with casse consistently lamenting "i cant believe im out with such crazy pals" hahaha :P

too bad for ya sweetie! :D

lolx..today was a good day..went to Din tai Fung for lunch with cousins, ah yi and mummy :))

we shopped, walked and eat! haha..and we ATE ALOT! woohoo! lolx..I have such an awesome family! haha..went lookig around 4 a new fone! I want one with camera and mp3 function! haha..my multi-purpose fone! :)) wakaka...ima still on the lookout though and kang taos? :))

lolx..then we went to visit my cousin's grandma in Simei..then toktoktok and eateateat haha..had Pizza and KFC for dinner^^ woohoo!

haha..ima cum from a greedy family ar with a big appetite to match ar! :D

haha..anyways..i had a bad hairday! haha..if that ish pertinent hahaha..lolx..tomorrow got KosenRufu chanting in the morning then Cheerleaders meeting and choir!

I lurve cheerleading!! and Singing!! haha..so, tomorrow's kidna like religion activity day..woohoo..ima loving it! :))

muahaha..ima ecstatic pig. oinkz. ciaoz

2005-07-01T10:40:00.000-07:00

sigh. a fate worst than death..ish it really life?

ooh well, i noe ima not suppose to agree with that but sumtimes u can't help but agree. haha. i noe my life ish perfect and i can't ask for more but still, its the lil things in my life that make it an obstacle to overcome. haha..ima referring to the lessons im refusing to learn from. or maybe i learnt but refuse to really accept it. Cos, sumtimes these lessons make u realise how deplorable this whole topsyturveyconfusingworld has become.

but wtf, why am i talking about all these..haha..wanan calm my nerves down for my last paper, econs paper 1 MCQ la. but heard its gonna be a killer and surprise surprise..haha..i always get slaughtered. heh. its no surprise la. i just aint good at my concepts

okie then..gonna go get ready..meeting Jia ying and Shi yun to go back sec school for lunch! lolx..we miss the yu bian mee fen! haha..i was the instigator! haha..where food go, i go.

Yeah!! Later going to watch Alot like love! but i wanna watch Initial D and Mr&Mrs smith..but that can wait :) ! Ashton Kutcher here we cum! yeah!..bought MNG Jeans top yesterday esp for this outing hahaha! okok..ima a deprived teenager! Then going shopping at Taka & wisma and the whole of orchard! buahahaha. lolx..we taking revenge! :P

lolx..love u babes!

wish me luck for my last paper. and fcuk after that still must do some NE quiz. shit. ruin my perfect day. feeling vulgar right now.

new me!

2005-06-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

Hello..haha..2 more days to my Mid years and im as happy as can be =) carefree/contended/optimistic..haha..neither of these adjectives are pertinent to my studies..

ooh well..i've tot abt it la..mid year..i shall give my best shot..been doing kinda alot of revision..though i've been missing out on econs..but for my other subjects..things should be okay..haha..ooh well..bearing this in mind, i also have to be prepared for the unexpected.

its okay..if i dun do well..hoefully i'll be jolt awake and start being a more ardent student..haha..yeah..but ima relatively prepared to screw my mid years (haha..form of consolation if all dun goes well :) )

haha..anyway..back to the brighter side of things...after meeting up with casse and Josey we went to take neo-prints ar..haha..the last time i shall have my pic taken with my long long hair..

haha..afterwhich i went for a haircut! hahaha =)) check it out in ym friendster blog and my new MSN pic..haha..my bro got a camera phone so was busy taking pics of myself and my new hairstyle..haha..I layered/Thinned and trim off abt 4 inches or was it in centimetres..anyway..haha..thats not the point..

the point ish that..i love the new me! hahaha =)) Boy! now i feel so much light headed! haha..no..ima not turning into an airhead :P my hair now moves with my head! B4 this it was too heavy and thick..woah..i feel fresh~ hahaha..freedom for my hair!! hahaha..ima crapping la..and becos now my hair ish shorter my waves are back =) haha..and i think they look kinda lovely don't denunciate it as much as i thought i would..Straight long hair ish lovely indeed..but natural waves ish to me, beautiful..haha..u must be comfortable in yr own skin right? or hair for that matter..

and i am..ima loving my haircut! hahaha.. :D

http://delusionsofpassion.blogs.friendster.com/photos/my_digital_story/index.html

haha..ima in blue shirt ish the new me..hahaha..=)) ima was in zhi lian mode ar =P

lost.

2005-06-24T22:50:00.000-07:00

i cant help but have this imminent ominous feeling that ima gonna destroy myself one day, on the fckuing condition that my life remains as mundane, lethagic and drudgery as it is.

i lamented to Casse how capped, repressed and constrain i feel.

ima have to grieve on my lost life. i was not meant for this, i was meant for sumthing better. hahahha..just like superman, i was put here for a reason..*guffaws* hahaha. wtf.

and ima not accomplishing what i am supposed to. i noe im not destined for this. my life isn't supposed to be so meaningless/unworthy/useless/unfulfilling. fcuuk.

i dwelling in my realm of broken dreams.mybrokenlife.

i still dun understand how in the world i allowed myself to step into this threashold?

maybe i was conforming..

if my life ish gonna still revolve around the influence of others. shame on myself.

and wtf if my life ish just gonna be based on cerfiticates that grades me..my life is gonna be such a big mistake. hahaha. i pity those who had missed out on thier lives so as to be able to achieve higher acedemic status.

haha.and no. ima not going to let my life be a mistake. i shall live my life the way i want it to be and make do of the tangled and confusing situation i am in. :) Afterall, i am the controller and determinant of my own destiny/life and fate.

im gonna be the happiest lil girl in this messedupconfusedegoisticselfishselfannihilating world. muahahahaha. wooohoooo!!!!

im as happy as i want myself to be :) Achievements are secondary but living my life fulfilling and meaningfully and purposefully now thats DIVINE

:D ima loving it!

shyt

2005-06-23T02:42:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wished i were a kid again..skinned knees are easier to fixed than broken hearts..

now i know where u got the phrase from sweetie. :) i do by far agree.

I wanted to feel u beside me. I have them, these attacks of the past, like faintness, a wave sweeping over my head. Sometimes it can hardly be borne. What is to be done, what has to be done i thought. There is nothing to be done. They only serve who only stand and wait. Or lie down and wait. I now know why the glass in my window is shatterproof, why there ishn't any chandelier.

I want to feel u beside me, but there isn't any room.

I've been trying hard not to think of her over these 2 months. I've been hoping that her face won't appear in my mind every moment that I breathe, but it's like hoping that the sky isn't blue; the grass isn't green; the stars do not twinkle at night...

sorry..ima just bored..think these stanzas are jsut very meaningful. ciaoz.

wtf

2005-06-18T22:05:00.000-07:00

ima becuming vulgar. cos vulgarities are the only words i can use to describe some fcuking arseholes i've met so far in life. and i think i do these inhumane people no justice still, cos vulgarities are not obscene and vile enough to describe most. sigh. hahahahaha

i sound like some angry teenager. ooh well. :) maybe i have been too sheltered in life and i still am ar to really comprehend how irksome and contemptible human nature can get. so every delusive passion one shows really ish disgusting to me hahaha. ooh well..like what xiao wei said to me: "Think about it, doesn't everything boil down to comparison? If we did not even start to compare evil would not be able to sow any seeds of its own. think about it." (well thats the geez os it i had to rephrase some stuff cos can't really recall wholesale what she had said)

and ooh boy did i think about it. yes. i do agree that comparing material welfare and any attachments u possess does evoke the dark side of humans. However, comparison wouldn't contribute entirely to the bane of humans. Because, why would one in the first place compare? because we never feel that we have enough and that we are contended with what we have- money is NEVER enough, love ish NEVER enough. we want more.

so we compare to see that we CAN actually have more. so i think the root of it ish actually greed. first comes greed-the yearning for more, then comes the comparison where we feel that if-someone can have more why can i?

ooh well food for thought and i really think Xiao wei did give me some link and answers to why the dulusions of passion would lead to the nurturing of the vile human side. :) Afterall, ren zhi chu xing ben shan. :)

anyways..back to more lighthearted stuffs..today we had SK/TP/KT outing.. :D i had a fab time! The food enjoyed good business and i met 2 sec sch seniors whom i never thought i would talk to, esp the guy whom was my pal WAS enamored of. :) dun worry..i have inserted the past tense :) hmm..was also able to make a number of new friends :)

anyways..we played amazing race which my team won but got forfeited cos we forgot Kiat Gu's station :P haha..hey! how was i to know East Coast Beach got tennis court :P haha..okok..i apologise for my sua-gu-ness :) anyway..his stop was to dunk people into the water ar. haha..in a way..HENG miss his stop ar :P

lolx..had an enjoyable time today just sitting down and catching up with Kiat Gu, Tze han, Xiao wei, Jing yi, Pei Qiang and Rui Fan ar..got to know alot of inside stories of human relationships..haha..esp the relationships part :P

lolx..We students ROCK!!!!! :D

-ciaoz-

tribute to my day

2005-06-17T02:20:00.000-07:00

heyheyhey...haha..i wanna get a digital camera.. so i can really have "MY DIGITAL STORY"

hee..its nice to keep pictoral memories..especially if that one memory ish life changing..special..or even just a simple one.

they are all the same..they constitute to your own collection of past happenings which would, one way or another define your life.

had tution today ar..reminded by K-lin about the nearing of judgement day yet again..she never fails to snap me back to the harsh realities of my life.

on my way to tution..met Jie yi ar..wearing our sec sch PE pants..liew..wat the -toot- was that patriotic woman thnking? i noe u must ying shui shi yan..but this ish ridiculous lolx. =P haha..no fashion sense wan..i forgive u la k..lolx..had a fun time talking to her..actually i miss her very veyr much. she sarn rubbish la..9/10 stuffs form her mouth ish bullshit..and the other 1/10 stuffs are serious stuffs u must infer and pick out from all the nonsense she sprouts!! hahahaha

but still..JIE YI ROCKS ar! hahaha..*muakz* love u babe..must meet go shopping ar..it'll be a day full of laughs =)

ciaoz..gotta do work for literature consultation..lolx..gotta wakey early..so ima gonna die tomorrow during consultation and during out studying session Casse!! haha...must carry me ar..or bring a pram man! and lotsa coffee!

=)

coffee rocks my world..
haha
thats very sad =P

how could u.

2005-06-17T02:00:00.000-07:00

something leaves me puzzled.

why are guys like tat. no, i think i should take puzzled back and replace it with the word vile.

irksome. contemptible. despicable. your actions are so deplorable, revenge itself isnot enough to make up for this stupendously disconcerting action of yours.

how could one hurt such a beautiful heart?

why had u made use of her? what made u think YOU WERE FIT TO DO SO? what childish thnking had u harboured?

you give men a bad name.

leave her alone or risk incurring further warth of her sistas.

don't u dare EVER hurt her nor dream of even coming close to her.

hurting someone who cares for u is fun eh? ooh well..i pity u..

because..all she had lost was a guy who should've known better you. on the other hand, has lost someone who had really care and was enamored of u..

u really should have known better boy.

Numbed

2005-06-14T15:10:00.000-07:00

Hey diary..

haha..corny.

lolx. wat a day. haha..the day haven even begun for me yet

missed my consultation today due to the red eye monster..

so turned in until 1pm!

muahhaa..my didi rocks..noes i lurve to watch oprah..so he woke me up and said "jie! oprah starting in fifteen mins time"

isn't that ooh-so-sweet-and-lovely of him? :)

i love my family to munchy bits!

lolx. just did my morning gongyo! haha..manage to finished by 3 pm..phew! haha. was praying and at the same time reflecting on the Malaysia's kenshu..coa yesterday i talked to rayvin from i think 1am to 4am!!!! hahaha..we had an awesome conversation! really fun and interesting talk :) got to noe from him the kind of friendship and human-relations he share witht the other youths in Malaysia :)

It was a superb conversation simply because it was an eye opener and i was very much pleasantly surprise by the close bond they share; akin to the relationship i share with M.A.D4 and my sistas! really very xian mu! Imagine having zhi tong hao yous and confidants as religion mates!!! woah..

its as good as it gets! :) Hopefully our Sg students would forge this sort of beautiful bond and friendship.. :) But most importantly we all cum with the sole purpose to serving and repaying debts of gratitude to Gohonzon! woot!! Its possible!! :D

Ima off to pampering myself now! hahaha then get on with the most drudgery part of the day : studying... :P

if i get bored enuff haha..i'll be back!!

Empty spaces..fill me up with hope.

GOOD MORNING WTF!!

2005-06-14T06:30:00.000-07:00

Good morning Singapore!! hahahha

Phewy. its 6.24am now..and i haven sleep YET muahaha..lolx..coffee ish evil! nahz..its good for me caffine makes Mae HIGH lolx..i drank white kopi at 9pm LAST night and ima still darn high.

haha..now having my cup of HL milk! wootz..ima addicted to that now! =) you noe why???? I tell ya why: Cos life's a balance...muahahhahahahahahah! u see. i told u i was high..okie ciaoz now..gotta go wake people up! heh. my family's gonna hate me for this!

hey its not me. its the caffine talking. sigh. HIGH i shall be then!

ciaoz.

wake me up when november ends.

ima back

2005-06-13T02:30:00.000-07:00

Hey..i've decided to move back home..

so i guess i'll be rambling on the exits here then.

ooh well..can't post on friendster blog cos of some inexplainable force preventing me from posting messages..haha..maybe its a sign to come back :P

so ima here again..sorry pals..no tagboard this time.

for a simple reason..dunoe how to put it up. hahaha. i scuk at this u noe. :P

anyway..went on a shopping spree just now !! woohoo!!

haha..anyways i went alone solitary ish good sometimes..besides i wasn't getting anything very enticing nor was it anything i needed a second opinion on and it was just the necessities la..haha..but wat the heck i still blew a hella lotta money on those stuffs which i hastily threw on my bed cos i was too hungry to care. haha..

oh yar. the necessary stuffs..have got a whole lotta relation to Jos!! haha..That "influential woman" now u've got me and Casse roasted. haha. ima baked/grilled/burnt to utmost perfection la. now my skin ish like gone and it still hurts like hell its been 3 days since we exposed ourselves to those harmful UV/UVB sunrays. snort. it doesn't seem to heal. haha. ima not going to do that again! haha. i was lying with a towel over me in sentosa! how funny can that get? but wth! i still got burnt! hahaha

:P cool! now we noe UV/UVB rays can penetrate through towels. heh.

btw, the pizza in sentosa ish lovely man! The cheese just melts in yr mouth. sounds cheesy eh? hehehe! lousy PUN! but it really does melt in yr mouth! wootz!! *yum*

Met up with MAD4 today..took sum lovely pictures..but ima eye was red due to some irritated vein! ouchie. i noe. i looked like sum red eyed monster -growls- anyways..realy ecstatic to see em ar..miss them so much!! Although we could only meet up for a short while but it was well worth it :) Tau Huay @ Cineleisure was delightful :) hmm..anyway..Dolly said this

"wah u really changed colour"

my face turned into a picture of horror..

then she went on "u look like some girl who came back from Hawaii"

haha. close one Dolly..its sentosa. hahaha :P but what she said seems like a consolation. but what the heck whether i look like a hawaiian or not doesn't really matter cos orh means orh no hawaiian orh or sentosa orh.

sorry ima tired so ima using extremistic bastardised english. but wtf.

Main point: ima tired. ima turning into the red eyed monster again ar!

ooh ooh ooh! the Korean store @ Cineleisure ish just such a lovely and pretty place! :)

Gotta go study!! ciaoz! but before that ima getting some shut eye! nitez peeps!

2005-04-05T01:16:00.000-07:00

sigh. ima here not to rattle on how perfect my life ish today -rolls eyes-

today..ish actually gonna be a deplorable and hurting one.

i have to put my sorrow into words. typically me.

sigh. i'm hurt.

by a best friend of mine from the bloody insitution MJC.

haha. SHES THE WORST CASE OF PENG SEH PENG YOU FOR BOYFRIEND CASE I HAVE EVER SEEN AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORTH CELEBRATING I HAVE TO NOT ONLY SEE IT I HAVE TO EXPERIENCE IT!

hahahaha. wat a joke.

im the joke of the day. seriously. life ish beautiful because i dun live under the influence of people, people who dun matter. so i'm always happy and contended with my life.

however, why ima so affected this time ish because she ish one who matters. -sigh- ish that how muhc i mean to her? whaever i tell her she tells me. how am i suppose to address the problem with her? i can;t tell anyone in school for that matter cos nobody noes about she and him and i dun wanna risk letting anyone know through my selfishness.

sigh. wat ish a girl to do? ooh well.

i'm still happy but just...i dunoe...no..i do noe..im hurt. :(

Endless solitude

2005-02-02T20:31:00.000-08:00

may i ask..

wat would u do..

if the guy u have a major crush on..

has got 5 girls u noe and tons of many gals who adore him as much as u do.

do u give up?

wat is there to give up?

again.

why is it that letting go of something that isn't yours so hard to do?

why? since theres nothing to let go off

but. you.

screw it. get over him.this ish crap.

Endless solitude

she tried so hard
to change the fact
that she had love him since the first day
but she couldn't do
what her heart didn't want her to
and so her endless solitude
shall go on
and continue.

oh well..what is meant to not meant to be shall eventually also be a memory.

btw. this entry is on behalf of a friend

but u and i know better

hahahahha.

im wasting my time
-out-

ima in love.

2005-01-14T12:23:00.001-08:00

Ima in love officiallY!

haha. with my life that is.

I never been blogging for eons for eternity..(tum tum tum) hahaha..actaully for about a month to be exact. =)

Life ish good. ima back in school. Haven regret my decision..so far. =) but guess not naymore, after u've passed that hard crossroad in your life. U'll be on yr way to a destination. STRAIGHT..BOM PIPI! ZOOM~ wheee..hahaha

Sometimes, accepting your environment doesn't call for a need to like it^^

however, acceptance ish importance cos if u dun u grudge. And when u do, everything would definitely be negative eben if it isn't so u would think it ish.

Being OGL for 2005 MJC Orientation was one of the best things i've ever done in MJC. Especially meeting SARGAS1 letting me know them really ish a blessing. Very soon, they are so endeared to me that i actually was so touched that i cried. Esp. Day5 OG Night...It was memorable for all the RIGHT reasons. *grins*

Sargas1 my lil' family in school. hahaha *smiles*

School work so far been overwhelming! haha..ima drowning in sch work..everyday staying back in school till the damn aircon in the sec floor library freezes my arse off even though i had my windbreaker on! -shit- ima not as a radiator of heat as i though i would be. hahaha. Too bad, can't provide warmth for my arse.

yeap. During the holidays..i work. 2 days..and i realised the importance of everything my family been emphasizing and inculcating in me. I can't put my lesson in words yet. Maybe i would eventually. Really! u need to experience it to KNOW and REALISE.

All i can say ish that. If u have the chance to study. DO study. Get a Good education and enjoy studying. Working life makes u realise the beauty of studying life.

Thats how sucky aka deplorable it ish.

I got in touched with an old friend of mine. ooh well..time really changes one. maybe he was like that in the past and i've been too self absorbed in our conversation to realise. But now, his this part. trait is Glaring. Maybe i should really start listening to others and quit talking so much.
hahaha..too my angels..i shall be very focus on u form now and not let my eyes wander at times when i see a part cute person walking by! hahahahaha

My new year resolution!!! hahahahha

ima growing fat! hahahaha and ima hungry. gonna da bao lunch..today ish really study day! gotta clear my homework to be prepared for school..its fulfilling in a sense. i kinda adjusted to this life accepted it an dmaybe to even an extent of liking it. Amazing how the theory of Nichiren Shoshu's Buddhism works. It encompasses all the principles of life, everything will turn out well but it must all start from the inside of you. I love Gohonzon!

and ooh ya..i gotta let my toe nail heal..it cracked! OUCH..was climbing the stairs last night. Due to the breakdown of our new and upgraded lift..how oxy moronic can that get. when at the first floor i SLAMMED (get the IMPACT?) my big toe against the staircase wall and fell. I quickly gathered myself up and tears trickled down my cheeks as i made my way up. -sigh-

i sound like an over grown kid. i got a BooboO! hahahha

okay..ima really hungry for food and thirsty for knowledge.hahaha..right. i was kidding about the latter.

-ciaoz-

love u all..

ima in love.

2005-01-14T12:23:00.000-08:00

cool man!

2004-12-11T23:00:00.000-08:00

Mae's Personality Profiling..

You live life through social interactions which occupies a significant place in your life. You value stability, specifically through a happy family life and security, namely through material possessions and a sense of general well-being. You are warm, realistic and jovial, possessing excellent social skills which make you a perfect host. You take pleasure in celebrating traditions and merry-making. You are bighearted with your wealth as well as your feelings. As such, you dislike tensions and disagreements, and seek to maintain harmony among friends and classmates. In group projects and assignments, you are personable and work as a co-operative team-mate to perform well in allocated assignments. As you are very practical, you do not like work dealing with conceptual or abstract ideas. You are hardworking, meticulous and make decisions based on personal values. You enjoy a mixture of experiences, work well with routines, are loyal and like to be appreciated for your contributions.

Potential Strengths
Ability to set up effective proceduresDecisivenessMaintain and preserve what worksPeople skillsSkilled at building consensus
Popular Occupations
CounsellorPersonal bankerSales representatives (tangibles)ReceptionistsTravel salesFlight attendantCustomer service representativesCatererSocial workerMedical/ dental assistantsAthletic coachesNursesHome economics teacherHairdressers and cosmetologists

If you like to know more about diplomas provided by the School of Business, click here.
This short, fun quiz is NOT scientifically validated. We cannot guarantee the accuracy of the results of the analysis produced by this short quiz—only that it can help you begin your journey of self discovery!

You can find out much more in-depth information by attending the “Career Counselling Course” whereby a certified counsellor would administer a scientifically validated test and advise you on which are the suitable courses or career that you can embark on!

haha..cool huh did this on SP's webby cyber personality test!! Awesoome! more accruate than my horoscope man! =D

until day i die

2004-12-09T01:03:00.000-08:00

i dun wanan talk about what i decidd to do and what am going to do.

too serious to talk about it in this blog of mine.

haha..my blog shall remain a place where i talk incoherently and sputter utter nonsense. haha. gotta get the excess crap in moi out man..haha..

a whole lota bull.

Gonna start a new life. ima afraid. but ima not deterred to do so.^^

now jio-ing all those whom i love out to announce my drastic actions and to vindicate my ways.

Eva..and ELDDS..the members..are really the best things that ever happen to me in MJC and definitely mummy too..but mummy happen to me before MJC and she is one of the best things that ever happen to me also...^^

I guess..these really will be the components that i would find leaving hard.

With em bothm i knew laughter, joy and really really cold jokes. I knew fun and i knew a sense of belonging.

I love ya pal. I love English language Drama and Debate Society.

I'll be at the finishing point with you in the end.

Thats a promise. ^^

until the day i die

2004-12-06T22:30:00.001-08:00

shalalala..why ain't people updating thier blogs? haha *hint hint*

*grins*

update leh..haha..if not if i nothing to do online le. then it ould result me in not coming online and leaving this blog of mine domain. haha. Well, i can forsee the day coming very soon la, becos i like befores till don't really like being online.

Somemore when my pals cum online most of them appear offline hahaha. =P

haha. Despite all these, i still love them so. So for you all da sake i still cum online to check out if u all got anything for moi to read wor =)

hahaha..Cheerleading yesterday was awesome..before that lunch was a bog bowl of beef balls..-bleugh-

7 balls of beef ish enuff to make one stay away from beef for the next thousand hours. My brother ate 10. haha. That slab of meat loves beef baby! haha.. -bleugh- yeah yeah i noe ima a slab of meat too..

A family of moo-moos hahahaha

Yeah! stock up mu junk food rationing! haha..went shopping with bro..Now mi mumz telling him to put ice cream in the cornflakes we bought. -yuck- haha It was like one time someone telling me to put bubbletea pearls into fish soup noodles. -yuck- repulsive stuffs man.

but actually..mash papaya in chocolate milk is lovely..hahaha..=)..its my persoanl mixed up combi which ain't replusive after u've taken the first mouth..wheee..

WAFFLES on thursday!!!!! Here M.A.D4 comes baby! Plaza Singapura Sweet Spoon or dunoe what funky name eatery! haha..can't wait..-yummy-

Btw, wat gut flip flop thing at the sight of another youth during the meeting thing. ikinda figured it out. He resembles someone..whom i dun really wanan tok about la.

Do u believe in 2 people sharing the same kind of soul? it sounds corny. Windstruck..mentioned aomehting about this too. I thought it was impossible for that to happen.

but now, i rather give the benefit of doubt to my gut instinct.

Yeap. They really resemble each other in so many ways. maybe, too mnay ways.

haha..ima in pain man!..yesterday cheerleading left me in a wreck. my muscles ache to the bones..everytime i get up i grimace in pain and my face writhes in excruciation. urgh. haha. ima lousy man..not that i have not been excerising..haha..okok..may not as much as i should..but i think becos i never warm up before i start bah. yeap!

nonetheless, cheerleading was dang fun! haha..was tickled silly by my cheerleading mates and my partner..muahahaa..Cheerleading roxs man! and ehz..its about time we get a name man! =)

Gotta get my outfit this week! -woohoo-

ima outta here =)

until the day i die

2004-12-06T22:30:00.000-08:00

reason

2004-12-04T23:56:00.000-08:00

today. i got 3 babies running about in my living room..with the exception of one having human transport due to the fact he is 6 months old and can't walk. =) All 3 are darlings to me..haha..-hengheng- is a joy to watch.

haha..dun worry sistas..when we meet on thurs i give u see his foto k..used my digi cam to take his pic!! haha..lolx..he like us, so zi lian..see the camera smile and bounce up happily..haha..seeing him smile just make me feel so warm inside. the innocence of a child is one that is to be cherished.

I miss 4e2..the chalet was awesome..had so much fun and everything..3e2/4e2. The yrs 02' /03' makes this education route one worth taking.

There, in those yrs i made my true friends..there i realise who they were and there i realised who are worth me loving and who are not. And now i realise those were the yrs i forged relationships that would never end.

^^-hugz- to u my angels and sistas^^

We may have gone different ways, yesh we have. But at a point of our lives, our paths crossed and we were a class. And that shall be the same point that would bring u back as a whole time and again a.k.a our class chalet. The fact that 4e2s actually take time off to meet together though not everyone keeps in contact with each other ish already an indication of our devotion and loyalty towards each other because we are all bonded by one similarity of being in voted unanimously the most ideal class of 2002 and 2003.

Had some funny sensation today. Was heading my camp meeting when i look up & saw someone walk in, my gut did a flip-flop and i felt a tinge of euphoria! -tis so odd. shit- haha. how nice. dun wanan think much about it. Whilst carrying on the meeting i kept one eye at him wondering what the heck was the funky feeling about. hmmph! this is dumb shit. Its not like i like him or what! I hate it when i have to keep myself on this sorta loose ends.

hmm..i think maybe i was just momentarily stunned at seeing him arrive to head his meeting after his was suppose to start a few mins ago. haha. yeah. thats it.

Screw it.

sick of tis life.

2004-12-02T23:30:00.000-08:00

i dunoe why. i guess the novelty of wrting a blog has fizzled out. haha.

Sorry i ain't been updating. haha. i got scolded from my sistas and my pals. =P

Since now got chance to meet u all almost twice or thrice a week, somethings i rather tell u all in person. haha. Close contact more cosy. hahaha *blehz*

I guess it also can be attributed to the fact that i've been praying alot and been writing alot of poems. Whenever ima feeling down, i'll put pen to paper. Guess the habits coming back. haha. ooh well, habits good or bad are hard to change eh.

haha. Apparently, blogging ish not a habit of mine.

Also, if ima really gonna blog instead of putting pen to paper. People would think that ima ish leaving a suicide note! *grins*

trust me. Suicide ish not for me. I know the pain it causes others first hand. It really ain't worth it...

I miss u my friend. Time flies..Coming January ish yr 2nd death anniversary. Until today, i still can't get over yr death. Guess i never will. I miss u so much. yr laughter yr corny jokes yr shouts..u pushing yr table to the front to block my way when i wanted to take my seat every morning. hahahaha and i would glare at u in return, you smile then push it back. U wishing me good luck while shaking my imaginary hand & i doing the same. haha. i still remember them so vividly. you going 'wah lao' behind me were yr last words. they still ring in my ears, my last conversation with u..

Me: "Can i see yr journal?"
You: "dun want la"
Me: "please? why leh"
You: "dun want la, very boring wan"

then u smiled and that was that. maybe if i've read, i would maybe have been hinted of the deplorable immimence that awaited.

Never knew how prominent u have been in my life, until that fateful day. I look back, i cried, a part of me has been taken away.

Rest well my friend, a part of me will always be with you.

I kept u in my prayers till this day. And i'll still be keeping.

Thats the least i can do for u now.

This wound of mine wouldn't seem to heal.

-donttellmewhoishouldbe-

2004-11-22T23:38:00.000-08:00

wootz!~ stayed home the whole day today..woke up with da sorethroat and cramps..=x haix..being char bor so hard..but i lurve it! except the cramps part..but is got schoo, ish good man! hahaha..can get MC. =P

oops.

haha..created a new yahoo email donttellmewhoishldbe@yahoo.com.sg for mailing purposes haha..so cool right? muahaha..Morning..i checked the newspaper classified! wtf. no job for me and mummy man! haha..all ish crap..not sell charity coupon (20% your commision) how chritable can that get? means ask pple todonate $$ wan or sales door2door.. oh man.

I wanan do sumthing that is productive,handson approach use my qualities to do stuff! I wanna get practical experience sheesh..if its really for a good cause then give 100% not 80% of which i think ALOT more go to the mangement for sitting there hiring us students to do the tough work.

ooh well. life's unfair. so there.

Hungry. dunoe is becos of the gals thing but ima esting campbell instant mushroom soup.yum! and milo! haha yumyum! i wanna ask kor buy food for me..but should i? hahaa. =P

lolx..next time tell u all sotry k? haha..see ya.. got meeting and interview tomorrw and meeting zhi yun to g kaikai. tell ya'll more later

*muakz*

i wanna start this over again.

2004-11-21T22:30:00.000-08:00

haha. this weekend realli past in a blink of an eye or a turn of an eye. "YI ZUAN YAN" lar. haha. ya. wateva. u get what i mean can le. For those who don't understand my idiotic ramblings

This weekend past damn freaking fast. haha. there.

okok! Saturday had the most fun for so long! M.A.D4 Randevous by da Beach@Sentosa! woohoo! haha. We all brought back a BIG packet of sand IN our pants. When i got up from the bloody tasty seawater my pants looked like i just pooped in it! hahaha. *urgh* the gals ended up laffing and tumbling in da tasty water..=P Needless to say i threw away the Pumba 3for$10 pasir malam pants..muahaha.

Sat monorail one whole round. tok tok tok and yak yak yak together. Had a brilliant dinner..sigh. too bad dear lor cannot join us..

Anthea, Dolldoll and i eat eat eat from 7.30pm to 10pm! haha the last ones in the restruant! hahaha..It was a buffet u can't blame us (esp me and Anthea =P) for eating non-stop! muahaha...so FUN!

all i can say ish..sistas rule! and the day was memorable for ALL the right reasons! This type of day when reminsicing about it really makes u think that life is BEAUTIFULLLL!! =D

*muakz* love u all so..

Today had choir and cheerleading..damn fun lolx! haha...-) i managed to Shouldersit Sherlyn! Hurray! but need more practice and time at da Gym man! Muscles-bod here i come..haha..laff so hard with the cheerleading fellas at longjohn that i now have sorethroat! *sigh* but it was worth it la..the holiday special was a great steal! haha..$2.90! and very nice! =) made a friend in cheerleading too! haha..and he tell us about la bi xiao xin! freaking funnY!

happy birthday Jinyi! haha..too bad u didn't get to splat choclate on my face =P the cake ish delicious! haha..duh. its CHOCOLATE! *grins*

wheeee...wonderful awweesoome weekend!...how nice if this wouldn't end..*sigh*

back to job hunting.

-untitled-

i love my life. -whee-

whats going on.

2004-11-20T00:30:00.000-08:00

Heyya...went down to Casse house with Josey to see hows she doing and pei her and..*ahem* TAKE CARE of her..muahaha..had so much fun. Watched "A Walk To Remember", realised Shane West is cute, Realised Casse's surfshorts ish too small for me (muahaha), realised that deep fried food and junk food and actaully bring back a sick person's appetite *grins*, realised that movie w/o popcorn isn't complete, relaised that Josey & Casse don't support future SG IDOL SLYVESTER and i realise that i realised alot of things from a simple trip down to Casse's home.

Hey..get well soon sweetie! love ya too! haha..very very gan dong by yr entry *smiles*

hahaha..but it was a darn fun and enjoyable visit..snatch the sofa with Josey & had lotsa guffles..whee..at last i met up with Josey..been missing the dear so muchy these days..so ima very ecstatic today..hmmz..since we have so much fate together haha..i guess we'll meet at Sentosa tomorrow? *grins* love ya pal!

Later going down Sentosa!! -whee- M.A.D4 randevous! =) can't wait! got my outfit ready and stuff..muahaha...Yeah!!!! SLYVESTER got into SG IDOL GRAND FINAL..woohoo..at last mummy and daddy voted for hiM! hee!..first time they did such a thing man! *rock on*

I can't wait for this weekend gonna be a blast!

ooh ya..monday..job hunting again..the uncle for Gatsby called me back but i can't work for many days (he wants me to work everyday!) weix..ima got a life k! so i had to forfeit the job lolx..then he ask me to be receptionist..well..we'll see bah..so..in the meantime..jobhunting! here ima Come..woohoo!!

-we're the smile on yr face-

no one cares.

2004-11-18T23:23:00.000-08:00

Yello! haha..went down to school for LIT test..was frantically trying to read an SUPER consized version of Silas Marner..not bad la the book when all the elaborative pretentious nonsense ish being excluded. Bloody happy ending..with Silas adopted daughter Eppie getting married to Aaron and her real father the spineless Godfrey and his supposedly gorgeous wife nancy regretting they did not acknowledge her before.

the fairy tale ending of Good triumphing over evil and Love encompasses everything. wtf. haha

Why do happy ending always occur in fairy tales? Cos, they never do happen in real life thats why they are the tales of the fairy, the mystic creature which conincidentally does not exist in this freaking world. So there.

SO MUCH for my happy ending thats what Avril Lavigne been trying to convey huh.

Today was nicey! haha..went to sch for the test which i made sumthing outta nohting (my speciality) then ate delayed breakfast with Zhi yun..then SURPRISE SURPRISE went home for LUNCHEON! *oinks*

I went for a job interview at The Coperate Building. That uncle bluff my feeling first say is temp parttime waitress then go already he say be a Promoter for some Gatbsy product. Seriously, i dun want the man to call me back. Thanks to dear Jia Ying for accompnaying me =) haha..had alot of fun with her waiting..muahahaha. ya. I got insulted ALOT by her for my height! *blehz* haha..but it was all in the name of fun! =) dun worry gal, drink more milk~~~ HL ish good *moo* GOT MILK?

Then went for Pasir Ris East CC meeting...cool man! haha..met alot of new youth. Theres one who ish espeically exceptionally good looking..Look like some korean Actor *swoon* haha..ooh well, at least i know there are still cute guys out there who are not dead or gay. haha. But, luckily big age gap so, lalalala..ima won't be head over heels over his looks..but he is darn tall and darn sauve looking..not forgetting cute and really very good looking. I bet his taken man and alot of gals are in line! Some pple are just so lucky to be born with natural good looks.

*sigh*

hahahaha..but it was a fruitfull meeting met new friends! I'm so ecstatic! We laff we talk and we discussed! COOL! but, all on the expense of Singapore Idol and Like my own~ aaawww..haha..never mind next time meetings would be on weekend. Anohter outlet for me to train up on my leadership skills and be a worthwhile leader..haha..*grins* and even be a worthwhile person. i got dreams and aspirations baby!

haha. and ima gonna fulfill them! -woohoo-

haha..but, lets get down to studying first ehz..*grins*

-sick of this-

2004-11-17T21:42:00.000-08:00

I've been wasting my life, my time and my sanity. WAKE UP!! Gawd! do something BENEFICIAL & PRODUCTIVE will ya? URGH!

I got it all planned actually..to go Youth Kenshu planning today with Yong Qing and Sherlyn, go for Mel's prize giving ceremony then go exercise.

And crap. i only fulfilled the second. With the many hours i spent wasted i feel so drudgy and horrible about myself. what crap. Ima so lazy..no doing my prayers when i have all the time to, not exercising for the cheer leading stuffs and not studying.

Way to go Mae!

why am i procrasinating when i know all it serves are dire consequences?

This sounds damn crude. but, i realise i need $$ badly! Infer, i need a job.

Most of my pals have jobs of thier own and can't accompany me whenever i want someone to be with. Especially that guy best friend of mine, dunoe which corner of the world he is at burrowing and loading himself with all the work pressure and demands. Now, he hardly has time for himself, moreover his friends. All i can do is hope and pray that he don't push himself over the limit. Heard u are sick. Get well soon u silly boy even if u dun care about yrslef think about us, who care so much for u.

So, if i get a job at least i'll be productive with my time and get some $$ to feed my expensive expenses!

This is crap. I'm screwing up my life all by myself. how sweet.

So drudgy and lousy!

GET A GRIP OF YR LIFE NOW MAE!

Before u spend another day so morbidly.

I just detest this feeling of despair and helplessness.

NOT going to let that happen to me anymore.

GOTTA BUCK UP!

Btw, lil' bro, big sis is very so proud of u..=) Congrates lil' tyke!

Loyang Primary SKIPPING RAWKS!! *WOOHOO*

I don't wanna wake up today
Cause everyday's the same
And I've been waiting so long
For things to change
I'm sick of this town
Sick of my school
Sick of this place
I wanna break free
I'm so frustrated

I don't wanna wake up one day
And find out it's too late
To do all the things
I wanna do
So I'm gonna pack up my bags
I'm never coming back
Cause the years are passing by
And I'm wasting all my ti-time
I'm sick of being broke
I'm sick of this town that's bringing me down
I'm sick of this place
I wanna break free
I'm so frustrated

Ouchie!

2004-11-15T22:02:00.000-08:00

whoopy..haha..had to reframe myself from using the com cos my left eye was kinda itching..lucky it wasn't twitching instead...haha..if not i will have all these freaky thoughts of it being some imminent sign..haha..craps.

yeap, so that explains why i never blog yesterday..so have i vindicated myself for not blogging yesterday dear Kelly? =P haha for the other days..i'll come up with a better explaination later..=D

Anyways..had the top of my right ear pierced just now..cost me $38 haha..sheesh..don't wish to explain why it cost ssssssssssoooo much remincising about it would further indenture the depression in my heart or pocket for that matter.

haha..to tell u the truth Jia Ying and Kelly..IT HURTS! haha..had to act brave la..cos Jia Ying face when she was watching me get my ear pierce explicitly showed that she was in much pain that i was in..haha..her face was grimacing in pain even when the 'professional' was applying alchohol on my ear..haha..so i had to put on a brave front la hor..and say it doesn't hurt..but..it does..*moans* haha Jia Ying still so lovely, cute and so innocent =) Kelly on the other hand..getting more and more pretty *grins*

ehz..remember dear must go scold my that best guy(gay) friend hahaha..i also worried for him cos his my best guy buddy a.k.a my brother =) Give him a tough scolding..-yeah- all for his own good =)

haha..at TM met Josey and Wei Tian..haha..Josey! ITS FATED..wo men hao you yuan fen wor..haha..*muakz* miss u so deary -whee- going to ktv soon haha..Heard from this sweetie that K-Box at Tampines got shuai gege..haha..must go check out personally with her and Casse since my taste and her taste is VERY starkly DIFFERENT!! hahaha..

ooh ya..Wei Tian was attempting to poke me in my tummy countless times when we stop to chat with her..hahaha..aaww man..its really a sign i must worry aout my weight and do sumthing about it! *whines*

Watched Taxi and ate Ya Kun with my parents..Taxi was so cool!!..Very darn funny and entertaining! Anybody with extra cash to spare should give me watch it another time..hahaha..wat crap. nahz..u should go watch it..definately your money's worth!

Queen Latifah is da QUEEN man! Lurve her acting and her ethics. The cop on the otherhand..is so simple minded and "so adorable that you just gotta love him" quoted from my mother..hahaha Daddy was laffing real hard at the movies too..one of the best entertaining movie i've watched so far..haha..okay so..i haven't really watched much movies in my lifetime.

saw Shane at Ya Kun today..didn't recgonise him, feel kinda bad..i even gave him the "WHO ARE YOU?" look when he said "hello" to me..darn..sorry bro!..will remmeber your face from now on! haha..nice hat! *grins*

Today was a very lovely day..had fun with my pals met one of my sweeties by FATE haha..had got a wish on my wishlist fulfilled..ooh yeah..Read Casse's blog..the darling's sick..=(..aaww..guess i better call her or sms her to ask how she is..ooh ya..and she dreamt about me being her half sister! hahaha..woah..really a queer dream..haha..but it doesn't matter cos shes already a sister to me..*smiles*

Gonna call u now babe! Get Well soon love! =)

I think i'm gonna check out a job soon. ooh well.

welcome to my life

2004-11-14T00:22:00.000-08:00

-yanwz-

haha..Today's Saturday..*duh-a* haha...

gawd, ima such an oversized pink bacon..sleep sleep and sleep the whole day yesterday..with intervals in between to eat and watch Oprah the show's theme was"The Biggest Misake made in yr life" haha..apparently..i haven't had a life long enuff to have made a mistake which is worth sharing on a live-talk-show which airs to tens of millions of homes..

okay..so, i digress..

Back on the ima being a pig..okay i slept the whole day thru on fri..and today..i coudn't wake uP!..Its like i've been drugged or sumthing..sheesh..so i missed the second reckee with the student councillor..Craps..i realli am an incorrigible bacon..

Went for lunch with family then went for Kenshu Meeting..met my partner and talk to him for the first time..darling Sherlyn accompanied me to the meeting..thanks babe! haha..in the expense of not accompanying her pri3 tution kid to the toys store..nvm..we can bring her to TOYRUS and buy the big mascot with the overly-long neck of his..ooh yah..the mascot is a giraffee. that explains that.

so, on wednesday and thurday i have Youth Kenshu Meeting with them and the participants..can't wait. =)

yeap..then went out with Sherlyn and i watched her eat an apple pie..haha..the pie wasn't as tempting as i tot it would be..muahahha..

Went to aunt's house for chanting and dinner..Sherlyn joined us for the former then left saying she gotta meet another youth..haha..and ooh boy..i had a HARD time explaining to my family members that the youth she was meeting ISN'T her boyfriend..haha..cheeries Sherlyn..i stood up for ya! *grins*

ooh ya..Dinner was aweeesoome with your whole family eating together..what more could u ask for and with home-cooked food..My aunt's fruit salad is OUTTA this world..woohoo..

Final Destination 2 was crap and i had to watch thru it today again..and its still crap..eeww..spoilt my lovely dessert..but heck my head was burrow in a Mag.but i had fun describing the gruesome scenes in the wake of the characters' deaths..haha..i'm not sadis for what..but seeing my family faces crundge up in disgust and mock-horror was kinda funny..though when they watched it, it wasn't. haha. Freaky show la. Moral of it is

"When its time to go, GO."

ooh yeah..played with my 3 lil nephews and nieces..arrr!!!!!!!..so cute!!..all call me '"jiejie" =D except heng heng..he only 6 months..hahaha...sosososososo cute!!!!!...ar!!!...lolz..he stole my heart with his toothless grin...so innocent so beautiful smile...such a lovely kid..haha..My lil' hengheng!

ooh ya..he looks like la bi xiao xin..lesser eyebrows version! haha..my cutie pie! =)

Think i better end here for today..later at 10am got Oko ceremony!..=)

Nitez..Lovely day!

the night goes on..

2004-11-12T10:30:00.000-08:00

Good morning ya'll!
haha..gonna pon school today..*blehz* as my friend puts it..liew..3 lessons only..waste bus fare..haha..=P but, still gotta get admin stuffs done for cca and orientation...sigh..the down side of being a committee is really the administative stuffs..esp. in MJC..EVERYTHING also want a proposal, time scedule..

Lets be nice. The school is being meticulous and careful. joke.

But, seriously i think i got sore eye or sumthing..cos..my left eye is awfully red and kinda itching..haha..yeah..i conclude symptoms of sore eye~~ Dr Maemae in the house! *rock yr booty!* ok..anyone want an instant MC? Come to me and stare intensely into my left eye..haha. i'm so sweet *grins*

haha..cuts the crap..must be no enuff sleep la..only slept for 7 hrs haha.
i know. i'm a piglet & an oversized pink bacon..

Just called daddy to disturb him at work..muahaha..he said.."Janan kaciao ar you!" muahaha..then i laff laff and laff then say "bye!" Nice to disturb your parents from thier montonous work and just tell them u luv them, since they are working for the sake of u yeah? *grins*

Ooh yeah. Here the full Written Report for yesterday! hahaha..lets get over this PW crap la..

yesterday was brilliant haha..It was a day worth living haha. yeah. it was. I utilise the day fully and in the process utilised my money. haha..sigh..

ooh well, i missed CSI MIAMI to bathe..then went out with my parents for lunch..after which i met my religion mates and met this student member whose 14 yrs old..hes kinda an introvert..kinda hard to get him to open up..he said talking to me was like sitting for an Oral exam! haha. i ask too much..well i can't help it if his answers are in short formed and 3 worded sentences..haha..and ya la..i'm talkative la okay?

Hoping he will open up and be more willing to accept us as friends. This takes time and time is what we have for now..=)

ooh ya..not to mention..we sat at star bucks, the 6 of us..blew my money again for a Grande Coffee Hazelnut. Nohting spectacular. The whipp cream was the tastiest part..ya..so much for quality for yr money. I think i'll stick to Mocha..i've learnt a lesson on the expense of my $5++.

Not a very nice lesson i say.

Then, the 14 yr old student went home. Left 5 of us go shopping. had a lovely time with them, simple yet fun..cos theres this youth whom RuiFan said "out of 9/10 of his words are B.S." haha..so he is full of crap and he tickled us crazy wiht his army lingo and stuffs..

the i went to meet my darling sistas..M.A.D4...=) so fun nehz!..haha..ate at KFC and had some girls staring at our table and at us..was so darns tempted to ask them..

"wanan join our conversation?"

Keep yr eyes to yrself la and yr dumb opinions which u find amusing and which i find PARTICULARLY irkful. Don't these people have respect for others? Society..pple these days...-sigh- haha..lets not get there yeah.

Never mind. My angels were with me and nothing else matters. =)

Anyways, we walk walk at cineleisure then took neo print! wah so nice la..haha..was busy hugging each other for the pics haha..i wanan post it up here..but.. HOW? hahaha..

Anyways the pic is in my friendster primary pic and myspace.com..check it out!

The went to S&K..mummy dun allow m buy clothing..kinda upset cos she was kinda shouting at me over the phone..then i put the colthes i was trying on to the rack..then..guess what..

My sistas bought the skirt and top for me..for my present..gawd..i was so touched and almost cried..Its not the fact that they paid for my stuffs but its the lovely and thoughtful gesture..Its the tot that counts and knowing that is actually enuff..what more can i ask for with such beautiful friends like them who love u so much? Gawd, i can never be thankful enuff to have met them..We've known each other coming 3 yrs and i'm still feel so ever blessed to have met them and love them...

My sisters, my angels..its a relationship i know and u gals know is gonna be forever..=)..One of the best things that has and will ever happen to me..

Thinking of u gals just plants a smile on my face..*grins*

At night was online with Dolly and reading "The Apprentice" woah..great thriller man..got me hooked man..and my MSN is officially screwed..haha..we yak until 1.30am then she had to go..i was searching for a friend on friendster and myspace..only found him in the latter program..but he last log in like last yr..haha..

Anyways..met Damien a.k.a Da Bao in the interchange..we went hom together since we are neighbours haha..it was like some blind-date event the way we met at the interchange..He was carrying a thick book on his hand and so was i! i was wondering "ehz..also got book in one hand..wah..even thicker than mine" then i look up it was Damien! hahaha i was making a caricature outta it.

It turns out he was into the same sort of genre of books i'm currently into..all those CSI sorta books..haha..His was highly intellect..haha..maybe too highly intellectual la..he got CSI DVDS! urhg and whole series of collection of books! muahaha..i then reminded him that my birhtday was coming..haha..We yak yak and yak then laff and laff then went home la..

yesterday was really really delightful...so much so that i needed a break today!..hahaha..yaya..i dun think i've really vindicated myself la. but, the sore eye which is currently red and tearing i guess makes up for everyhting..haha..i'm vindicated! -whee-

-I love my life!-

Untitled

2004-11-10T07:58:00.000-08:00

Heya..haha..Winnie the Pooh The Perfect was aaawwweeesssoommmee..haha..kinda. It'll have a longer draggy aaawweesssoomee if these flaws weren't picked on..

1) Piglet looked like an oversized pink bacon
2) Pooh seemed to have went on a diet or Marie Face face slimming Program
3)The diet/program actually work on the bear!
4) The mechandise were incredulously ridiculously EXPENSIVE
5) The 4th reason calls for another complain hence this reason..haha crap. Popcorn costs 6 bucks! size of a regular poppy corn darn it.

haha..so Shi yun a.k.a Mummy and i decided to take home some free brochures with the priceless Pooh fat face (fat more lovable) on it with some US hotline on it. heck, somehting to take home that did not cost a hole in my pocket i outta be thankful.

I wish i were a kid. Then i would have been able to dance with the oversized characters. Too Bad, i'm going on 17..don't wanna risk blocking sum kid whose seting behind me view.

It was fun nonetheless, i left wishing i was a kid again and and be lucky enuff to come to Pooh's show. I watched MICKEY MOUSE show when i was say 9/10? I can still so ever recall vividly the jingle..M-I-C-K-E-Y-M-O-U-S-E

Thanks Samuel once again for the tickets! Thanks mummy for going with me and having so much fun! =D

Pooh is my bear~~ =)

Went for Nanyang Acedemy Of Fine Arts concert with Zhi Yun a.k.a lao gong (haha, everyone's family) came home not long and ate my fave soup! wheee..okok..lets not digress with food haha..tempting as it is. The concert was lovely..haha to the untrained ear la..Zhi Yun spotted some mistakes..but to me, it was perfectly fine..sigh..i'm not musically inclined huh. Met her lovely friend and her friends..Very interesting..If they are not straight means they are "sen yek" (crooked) haha..but ZY's friend is the exceptional one who is straight..the others she told us about were hmmz..interesting la. haha

So happy! PW's finally over! today submitted GPF! At LONG last! Got some funky questions though for Q&A but it was okay..everyone gets flubbergusted once in a while yeah. haha..whee..at last i can concentrate on improving my subjects and my life! -phew-

Hey angels..thanks for yr concern over me getting all melanchonic in the last entry..haha..i'm okay now..but if u wanna ask about it..just ask bah! Dun be afraid that i will be sad when i reminicise it over cos i kinda have a 'kan de kai' mentality..I'm a happy person la so i dun like brooding about these stuffs. In fact, its nice to talk it out..haha..so will not have nei shang =) Just like whenever u all have problems must tell me k..i promise to listen de though i may not have the best advice. *smiles*

Gotta meet my sistas tomorrow! whee..B4 that going to excercise..lunch with family go for religion activity then go and party with my darlings..wheee..

I'm in SARGAS again for Orientation 2005! wheee..Sargas 1 Games-in-charge..i want SARGAS 2 though..but i'm okay with 1 or 2 la..so long as SARGAS family i really care =)

oops..need to get proposal for 2 ne ice breakers game..*snores* i dun like doing proposals or anything that requires me to face the com and type! haha..kinda Ironic huh..considering i have typed alot for my blog today..haha

thats abt it then..enjoy the song lyrics..and..download it!! haha..ooh..i mean buy the CD! *blehz*

Simple plan rocks! This is their new song Untitled from thier new CD..

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
am I in here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go , I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edgeI
'm hanging by a thread
I want to start this over again
So I try to hold on to a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No, I can't

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

my poor heart

2004-11-08T21:32:00.000-08:00

ooh...what am i to do..this pain..this unexplainable inexorable pain

why...him...I found him again..after 2 yrs and 8 months. Someone whom i owe an apology to..i avioded u, not because i dislike you..but because i feel so ashamed about what i did to u. Now, i guess its a sign i got to face you and explain to you throughly. And, i want to.

I owe you it.

I met him when i was 15, he 20...we got along so well..i was so scared..i dunoe of what..not you definitely not you..you were sweet and all..how could i have done that to you..Gosh, u dun deserve it at all.. its all my fault..maybe i was thinking too much..

But, i got cold feet and chose to escape whatever that could have laid ahead for us.

Just putting u down like that..telling you not to contact me anymore..if i can remember..our last words were..

You: Is there anyway i can still contact you?
Me: No, whatever for?

then, silence. i Never heard from you again..i was relieved yes, i managed to run away due to my fears and insecurity but this guilt never ever left me.

I feel too ashame to face myself..moreover you.

i keep blaming myself..was i thinking too much at my part and caused my own escapism? Maybe u did not even like me at all..Maybe u did..i dunoe..But i know i might had..

Maybe things were going to well between us thats why i became scared. Would u accept this sort of explaination?

Now, i'm 17..u are 22 or 21..so i heard from yr sister..HOW could this be? I managed to avoid u for so long..& for so long this guilt lingered. Today, i got delegated into my group for some Games event..Got to know this girl in my group of only 2 other girls!..we were talking talking then..we talk about the her house..she said she stayed near the beach..

I recalled u like cycling in Pasir Ris Beach Park at night as u stayed near the Beach..haha u told me that becos u wanted to assured me that there were no supernatural stuffs there..

So i casually asked her

"ooh, then by any chance do u noe a certain....who stays around there?"

WHY did i have to ask that question?

You replied: ....? My brother goes by that name

I was stunned. I asked for yr English name and i was confirmed it was u.

HOW could this be? Such a coincidence..i knew her as an aquintance in school and now getitng the chance to talk to her made me found out something which i dunoe i wanted to know or not.

She kept talking about you the whole day w/o me asking much..The guilt just cut through me..She even brought the group to your place..haha..How unbelievable can all these get?

The guilt is still cutting thru me..Its cutting thru me till the brink of tears..I am so sorry that i ever hurt u..i didn't mean to at all...i dunoe why i feared or what i feared.

I really owe u alot if i did.I'll do what i have to now.. and i can't help shake this feeling that not only do i owe u an apology..

I owe myself one too..

longggggg entry haha

2004-11-07T09:48:00.000-08:00

Yeah..here i am blogging again after eons of not being able to post anything up due to my incompetence towards the aspect of technology. *collective sigh*

haha. I REALLY is clueless how Kelly dear did it. But, she did! haha yeap all thanks to her and her briliant touch of magic, Sa Gu old' me can start to blog and start distributing my add to my angels~~~Thanks lotsa again Kelly!

-wheee-

Sheesh, its like 1.28am! Just completed my last evalutions for PW haha..My friend lamented that his teacher claims pw= Poo and waste

ooh well, i bet everyone cannot agree more. with exception to those who have completed their OP/PW and have all intentions to claims its damn beneficial to sabo your cursed juniors, i bet all those poor souls (like me) are nodding thier head tuk, tuk, tuk..haha. but i'll be free after tuesday! haha my OP day whee..and theres pw meeting later at 10am. wanna get it done and over with and then start plotting some speech that prasies PW to sabotage my juniors. haha.

Just doing my part as a responsible senior. hahahahaha

Back to my daily rantlings haha. I'm in Kaimyo PC Choir! =)
What an honour man! Something i enjoy doing and with a good cause too!
Can't get any better so happy! Today had first practice and i had to act "jiejie" to the 3 lil' tykes who were in Soprano with me. haha. i was basically acting like a ditz who knew her notes but actually didn't.

Kinda nice being a role model though for the wrong reasons in its own way. haha nice!

Then went for cheerleading, still dunoe how i gonna carry Sherlyn up my shoulders. I complain about my heavy school bag already...haha..i shudder to think about the load anohter human being would be on my oversized-constructionworker-liked shoulders. haha.

ooh ya..went out with Casse yesterday! =D was very fun looking for her jeans & going to the loo(s) haha..we took many turns to go hahaha but it was fun nonetheless, we yak yak yak & yadder yadder yadder..haha Anyways we took a pic. ERGH! Dun wanna mention aout the crappish machine

haha. we promise each other not to post the pic up on friendster! hahaha yesh yesh. It was THAT bad =P

I got my Pooh tixs!!

yeah! samuel gave it to me for my Birthday which is kinda long to go haha. but it is so sweet of him! Thanks Sam!

Okay, this hols is gonna be the most amazing and meaningful one yet. =)
Gonna do C.I.P and most importantly gonna indulge myself silly in religious activities and meet up with all my pals!! =D

1) Youth Kenshu leader (Thank you Gohonzon )
2)Kaimyo PC Choir
3)Youth Cheerleading team
4)C.I.P
5)Adventuris
6)2005 MJC Orientation Games I/C
7) 4e2 Chalet, Our close friends chalet and M.A.D4 hotel stay!

-WHEE!!-

and of course who can forget..lots of studying! *deadpans*

ooh well.

leaves story..

2004-10-07T06:26:00.000-07:00

Opening day of my blog..buahahha

Lovely Leaves..funky name huh.. with a tinge of sophisticatedness..*smiles*
ooh well, this blog shall only be accessed by those i love and the add shall be kept a -mum-
haha..unless you're my pal, then u shall have my add..haha

yeap..so i guess u r one of my Angels! *hellos*

BlogSkins.com says "Dress up yr blog" urgh. sounds so barbie.
haha..was kinda amused by it though *grins*
anyway anything can make me amused and elated today..cos..

firstly: the freaking exams are over.
secondly: i can finally regain back my lost life
thirdly: the many more stuffs life has got to offer!

Sadly..this leaf has not been blown by the wind yet.
shes sill among the litter..waiting for spring to make her bloom
and begin her lonely cycle again

haha. nvm. i got all the people and things in the world now.
what more can i ask for?

okay. seriously, sumthings been bogging me.
I miss her. I miss the happy her.
Theres my angel whom i'm endeared to

My angel..shes ooh..just sad..
i read her entry..
and i knew i'll never give up on her
cos i just love her too much..
so my dear..just like the many leaves on the tress u see 24/7
this big ungreen leaf will be there always with you
24/7..whether u see me or not..
let my counterparts remain u of me
and the promise that i will be right here awaiting
whenever u need leaf.

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you
hear your voices says when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone,
I'm here
No matter how far you are,
I'm near

I love u, my angel..