Name: -Mae-
School: School of hard knocks.
Certified: Foodie/Bum/moviebuff/musicaddict/Noisemaker/Laughingmachine
Loves: Gohonzon, Family, M.A.D4, my sistas..
Enamored of: life :) im loving it.
Adores]]]...
Nichiren Shoshu Buddhism
being with loved ones
Singing :)
pictures
happiness
pooh bear & squeaky
Rollarblading/swimming/squash
Teebee/travel&living/OprahWinfrey/Entertainment100%
Wishlist]]]...
True happiness
Compassion
Mp3 player :P
Faith
Paitence
Wisdom
Courage
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.
There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go
"I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt and still you would not understand. So now I leave without a sound, except that of my heart shattering as it hits the ground."
lolx..this chapter of my life ends here. my life ish gone now. most importantly. u are white-washed out of it now. Finally..the shackles of my heart ish gone.
my new chapter begins ((:
where are you...
Friday, July 29, 2005
You are my best friend, my confidant and even a sister to me..u are a sibling my mum forgot to give me..i wish i had been there to provide comfort,care and concern for you whenever your heart etchs in sadness or lonliness..esp when u are in school..cos i can truly empathise with what u are feeling now..i truly know your pain..it mirrors mine.
Anyways..why ima so ardent over this its becos..u don't deserve feeling the way u do..whoever makes u feel as though u are not worthwhile DON'T deserve u..Plus, what gave me strength to move on..one of the predominant reason is you.
never ever think u are lonely..cos u know u never will be with me around ((: haha..lolx. Love in friendship never ends my friend. Plus, solitude ish sometimes virtous and u actually may cum to enjoy the serene peace u get when u are alone..Being solitary and lonely are two wholly different matter..
tis really a time to learn and pick yourself up from this k..dun subject yrself to the undeserving and unecessary pain u are feeling..lessons gotta be learn from here and from life..these lessons are meant for u to face it up to them alone..these are the lessons in life..but always remember..
you are never really alone..cos u noe our hearts and thoughts will always be with you..
i love u buddy..and i promise to be your friend through..
tomorrow..ima getting back results..ima scared..i came online to talk to sumone..but..i guess it wasn't meant to be told..was here wasn't here..dont matter. how foolish i am. stop being vulnerable mae..and stop being stupid.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
you cease to be..
haha..not that i can only remeber that part..but reading that particular sentence..i empathised with the clause itself..maybe i could relate to it..cos, there so many flaws about me which i would like to cease to be..sumthings epitomizing me..aren't me..i try too hard to be someone i'm not i guess ((:
i dun wanna elaborate..haha..sumtimes u just need to put on a front to protect yrself from the blardie harsh realities of life i guess..its not a choice..but i was too sheltered, so theres alot of crueltyandconfusion in this world that i can't comprehend..worst still, i can't accept..so..a brave front is needed eh..haha..cos i hate this world.i hate arrogance.i hate self centredness. Baasically, that sums it all up. i hate humanity; particularly with how we have turned out to be.. sigh..and i know there no place in this world for a weakling like me.
what would i do w/o u all? ((: u all gave me strength courage and faith to move on in times of arduousness ..haha..no, more than that..u all gave me a reason to lead my life as happily and fulfilling as it is..
so when i say..i love u ; be it pertinent to whichever relationship we share..friendship..sistahood..kinship...
REMEMBER...
what lies beneath those 3 words..from me to u..lies a meaning more divine than anything ((:
haha..you all rawk my world..life ish definitely good! ((:
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
today..sat in the wind with ima pal and we tok tok tok..i laughed so hard till i thought i was going to get sum packs or sumthing..haha..lolx..i miss my pal :)) ima so happy today^^ haha..one day when i look back in my college days my friend i'll def recall with a smile the time we always tried means and ways to play truant..haha..excluding the countless green forms we took from the schooL! :P haha..so many more 'special' moments worth me treasuring..hahaha =))
lolx..ima glad i found u in that hostile place. blardieMJ.
After econs lecture..ima and meida went hm together..haha..its also kidna cool how we became fast and close friends^^ thats also sumthing about meida^^ haha..she ish the ideal mama ar haha.. :P
anways..at the traffic junction was sumbody who i know..didn't say hi..lolx..we were in the middle of the road for like only a few seconds and it felt especially long. maybe becos i felt very conscious in front of him..and i was very aware of his pressence..what ish it with him haha..since the first day i saw him i just knew there was sumthing exclusive abt him..ima still dunoe la..told chris about him and it seems like..he ish just a mere repersentation of my ideal..ooh well..like Casse i like to think i've rebounded..
But then again..how do u really let go of sumthing that wasn't yours to begin with?
sigh. ima sick and tired of this shit.gotta now immerse myself into the mugging shit..at least. i wouldn't get hurt there.
whyarentuherewithme.iwanankowwhyuwerentmeantformewhenialwayshadthoughtotherwise.
with eyes that know the darkness in my soul..
ciaoz.
its 9.11pm
Monday, July 18, 2005
today..tied tying my hair differently..haha. i think i looked funny. eva said i look weird..i tied it once for dolly and she was like :x >-< hahaa..nvm..so long as hair dun get into my eye..doesn't matter how i look..anyway i dun think anyone cares or notices...so nvm..
haha..hit the gym after shc today..haha..cool huh..haha..its a miracle if i do say so myself..haha..lolx..talked alot in school today with many pple ar^^ haha..yak yak and yakking away..
ooh yar..received the pics i and doll took in Bugis haha..i look terrible..=b doll tell me dun post on firnedster..haha..its THAT bad..hahaha love ya pal! :))
lolx..sumthings up with JY i wonder what..she said will call me cos she have sumthing to tell me..i wonder whats it pertinent to..lolx..ima miss her so much and waffles with ice cream with her..i tried calling her but cant get her..ima getting worried..hope shes okie.. ima here for u pal..dun worry :)) haha..expect a ring in 10mins *grins*
Anthea!!! its okie..doll told me also abt yr job..we understand..most impt is u dun tire yrself k! and must take care of yr health..dun want to see u falling ill again..sorry for not being able to pick up ar sweetie..ima at one pt of time was very depressed and despair..so it may in one of those time where u called ima was still hybernating and healing ar.. dun worry abt me..ima okay..will call u yeah i promise =)) i miss u so much sis..
okie..ima gtg drink soup haha..yum =)) and do sch work liaoz..ciaoz!
my younger brother is a stupid suckling pig..cos he calling me that now..hahahahaha..lolx..he dun allow me to sing in the shower today screaming 'shut up la' when ima bathing..and now he ish poking me.sucks.
haha
pay back time :!!! i am not going to watch incredible tales with him!!!!!!! :P haha..kidding la. u coward. how cani leave u alone. hahahaha
Sunday, July 17, 2005
haha..all Casse fault.. =b haha..nag and nag me to get a tagboard. hahahaha..no la. she asked for it so i got it lolx. =))
yeah!!!..today was a great day. haha. minus the fact i had to wake up uber early for a darn econs test. went to bed at 3am last night. was talking to Eva online then on the phone..Tying up loose ends pertinent to our friendship..i was sobbing uncontrollably in front of my laptop when she told me that she was sorry for losing me as her best friend and that she couldn't control things now that it has turned out to be like this..
At that moment it then dawned upon me. i was gonna to lose my best friend from school. i dun care where she was from school or wateva place..but she has a special place in my heart and reading her words of apology and regret..i couldn't help but sob. Losing a friend ish nothing to me. Cos friends come and go. However, once i've told u i love u as a friend or anything. i really mean it and it is only when that THAT THINGS MATTER. I believed in fighting for anyone or anything u love and believe in. Thats why it was so painful for me to finally realise yesterday it was time to let go of this beautiful friendship..
maybe i'm overly passionate, emotional and unrationale. haha *laffs* But hey in life if u dun fight for people and things you love. then what are u doing here for? whats the point to everything then? U fight for yr beliefs, yr purposes and most importantly and close to us. our loved ones. Loved one be it family, friends or religion they are the ones that are ever so close to your heart. :)) They add the beautiful factor into everything..
I once read sumwhere that..on yr deathbed when u die u'll not think of your work yr studies nor any of yr achievements..instead u will reminiscie on the joyful time u had spent with yr love ones and be there wishing u will have infinite moments with them..lolx..who will think "how i wish i had sepent more time studying or working" in thier deathbeds? wth. haha =))..so i couldn't agree more ar..=D
Anyway, chang hua shou duan..haha..lolx..friendship--> its not for us to say whether we want it quits or not or that the friendship ish not meant to be..maybe for others. yes. but this is not just nay other friendship right Eva? haha..=)) Somehow, i believe we are seriously meant to be someone important and someone always around in each other's life. in short, we share sumthing special only u and i know =)) yeah!! *hoorays!!* haha like how u always sms me "jumps up and down waving the blues away from everything" =D
U rock babe! haha..and u noe ima always here for u too eh! haha..now i'm telling u blockhead! :)) Must remember that yeah! heh!
Anyways..today was good..had tution b4 going down to Bukit batok! haha..accompnay Casse^^ and had to drag porkball 'ting-teh' everywhere..U noe the reason for that..cos..'tin-teh' is Josey's pressie! haha..=)) Happy birthday sweetie! 21/07.. =)) Had great fun at her place playing Old maid! hahahaha..and dai dee..eh..ima no luck man..lolx..Josey's place ish our lil' chalet man! =D love my pals so much..Btw, thank u pals for listening to my agony.
Tell that lil' girl who was me to go away. please stop tugging my shirt anymore.stop suffocating me with your pain and angst..please. believe what they are doing to you and me ish for our own good.u noe we tried and theres nothing we can do about it so learn to live with it..i feel so sorry for u and me. we had to fight to prove oursleves. since they don't love us for who we are. lets make them love us for what we are and who we are not.
haha..btw, didn't know old maid could be THAT FUN! :D muahahaha *muakz*
its 3.18am
Thursday, July 14, 2005
ima so tired just came home..long long day today..longer day tomorrow.
ima going to put in all i've got i promise..
i miss u so much, wherever u are.
I believe u will be worth the wait..
thats why i'm still willing to wait :))
haha. ciaoz :))
good day today! haha..thanks for yr constant encouragement peeps! Yunjoy, Almeida, Zhi Yun and Jo-lyn RRRRRAAAWWWKKSSS!! *GRINS* :D
woohoo! hahahaha!!
and my wasted heart love you.